At the end of the first week of yoga teacher training. Oh the judgment and fear voices that are screaming at me. Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of content being thrown at me. How do I schedule time to read, watch videos, participate in live sessions, journal, practice yoga, and do everything else I already do? Feeling the not good enough stories and voices coming up - I'm just starting day 3 lessons, and "should be" finished with day 4. Not to mention I haven't even finished all the written exercises or done any of the journalling.
What makes me think I can be a yoga teacher? I still struggle with so many "basic" poses. How am I going to teach poses to people if I'm not able to do them myself? I find myself getting intimidated during the asana practices. The classes are faster paced and more advanced than I'm used to doing. Fortunately, my friend and yoga teacher had warned me about this and gave me the great advice of skipping steps if necessary. I also take a lot of breaks. I'm so glad that this training is online, and not in person. Nobody can see how often I stop or hear me groaning.
I am capable of doing this because I AM a deserving, brilliant, grounded woman loving myself and believing in miracles every day! It's only week 1 of a 10 week course. I have plenty of time to learn what I need to learn. Breathe, and focus on right now, focus on the lesson I need to start now. Stop worrying about the other 913 pages, just focus on this page I'm reading.
In the midst of one of the classes, I realized that I was deeper into one of the poses than I'd ever been. I'm making so much progress and don't always recognize it. Good reminder to just breathe into my stress and anxiety during this training. There will be days that are easier and some that will be harder. Now I need to get back to my studying. Talk to you next week. :)